Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Question & Answer: Work Savings? ... part 2

After answering a question from this post ... in this post, I received another question ...

Thanks for answering this question with an entire's exactly what I needed right now as I try to make a decision whether to leave my job or not. For's mental. I am so "fried" when I get home that I'm no good to anyone. I want to come home full-time even though I have no young children who need me at home. I feel I would have to explain my decision to everyone...why do some of us feel this way? Have you ever addressed this in a post?

Here's my response ...

Let me say before I address this readers question that I have worked outside my home on more than one occasion when the need arose.  In fact, earlier this year my husband and I thought it might be necessary for me to return to the work force again due to huge increases in our health insurance premiums … just to be able to get the health insurance.  But after much prayer and taking an honest look at what it would cost financially, my earning potential, what it would do to me health wise/mentally and how it would affect our family, we decided it would be the better choice for our family for me not to work outside the home but to continue earning through saving and being frugal at home.

I know some working wives and mothers who earn enough financially to justify their working outside their homes.  They have no desire to be stay-at-home wives and mothers, they have found what works for them and their families and they are pursuing it.  I support them completely!  I am not anti-working outside your home if you are a wife and/or mother. But let’s be honest, working outside your home if you are a wife or mother is hard, pure and simple. Not only do you have your outside the home work obligations but you also have your home obligations, your children’s needs to see to (regardless of their age) and your husband’s needs as well.  Cooking and cleaning don’t get done by themselves and neither does the laundry and grocery shopping.  Are you really a ‘present’ member of your family or are you so tired and overburdened that you just feel like you are going through the motions, getting the next thing done so that you can go on to the next thing to be done?

Not everyone is cut out to ‘have so much on their plate.”

And finally, why do some of us feel we have to explain ourselves for wanting to be full time homemakers?  We feel this way because this is the way society as taught us to feel.  Being a homemaker is a fine and noble job, but it’s not easy and there is no glamour associated with it in today’s world.  The world portrays the working wife and mother as having it all together and keeping everyone happy in the process while the full time homemaker is often portrayed as lazy and/or missing out on life’s best.   Wives and mothers who work outside their homes because they want to as well as those who work outside their homes because they have to are quick to tell us that it is not easy and definitely not glamorous. Women who chose full time homemaking as their ‘careers’ are also quick to tell us that ‘lazy’ and 'missing out on life’s best’ do not describe their lives.

Is there room in our society for the homemaker and the working wife and/or mother? Yes, and it’s up to us to be proud of the road we choose while being supportive of both!  It starts with each of us!

I hope this answers your question!

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A Working Pantry is more than just about food! It's about household items needed to keep my home running smoothly readily available when needed.  It's about keeping a gift trunk so that I'm ready for any gift giving occasion.  It's about a lifestyle.  It's about keeping my home and looking well to the ways of my household and it's about doing it all as frugally as possible.  I hope you enjoy what you read here.


  1. Hi Patsy!

    It looks like my previous comment (on your previous post) had a computer glitch! Oh well, I am trying afresh!

    There is a lot to be said for a wife at home. This does not mean that children are a prerequisite, either! If you are a wife, it is really quite a noble task to work at home. My husband also prefers it this way. Going to work is costly, and takes our focus away from work at home. Home skills take time to develop, and each person builds a unique repertoire of recipes, methods, etc. Look at me - I am able to enjoy making these comments because I am at home! By the time one overcomes some challenges, confidence is built. The problem, these days, is that we care too much about what others think. Really, few people truly look for your real well being! Anyway, we are called to be a people set apart for the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob!

    Now, in my mother's generation, it was quite usual for women to work at home. I loved just having Mum home for the fact that she was home (you don't have to be crafty, or know how to do everything yourself!), and Mum had time to listen and talk with us. That's an important thing, as well as providing a secure, calm base where a Godly perspective is nurtured. Women create the culture in the home, and, if we would apply the ways in scripture, then the life-giving ways of the Eternal can be preserved, and bless our lives. It is said that the push for feminism was orchestrated, and for tax revenue reasons. By adding women to the workforce, there was, basically, double the tax revenue. (Aaron Russo, documentary "America: Freedom to Fascism"). The US 'Federal Reserve Bank' is a privately owned concern, and your taxes (income tax is illegal) go to those who have long planned the American downfall. Their jurisdiction is beyond the control of the US government. (F. Tupper Saussy, in his work, "Rulers of Evil" - by free download - clearly shows the enemy that battles against us, 'hidden in plain view'.) A wife working at home for her husband is, potentially, of greater value than we might realise!!

    Have a wonderful day, Patsy!

    Rachel Holt

  2. I can't respond to what it would be like to be a full time at home wife and mother. I have worked since I was 14. Yes this was when I was still at school and then I worked my way through university. My children were 6 weeks and 12 weeks old when I went back to work. They had their father at home with them until our youngest was 2.
    There was no choice in this for us so we did the best that we could. Both our now grown children remember their childhood with fondness so we must have done something right. Our son has even said he hopes his baby girl has as much fun and freedom as he had.
    I still substitute teach but limit this to 3 days per week. This helps pay the bills and gives a little bit of extra to save for special events. I love spending time at home and making the most of what we have.
    I do not make judgments on whether the parents work or stay at home. As long as the time spent with children is quality time and positive values are taught and modelled.

  3. Working outside the home is fine AS LONG AS you have a husband who is also pulling equal weight in the household chores. I don't mean cooking and cleaning, but mowing, repairs etc. I've found that there was far less "man" work than "woman" work and I would be working full-time AND doing numerous tasks around the house without much help.

    After being home full-time for a while, I took a somewhat low paying job in a close town. It called for one evening working late a hour. The husband called and said, "Oh being you have to work an hour later tonight, I have work that I can do here that way YOU can get home and get dinner ready before I get there." Seriously. You need a true partner whether you are working full time or staying at home. I think sometimes stay-at-homes get handed a lot of unnecessary busy work by their spouses...."because you don't work".

    One other caution for staying home full time is that you cannot predict the future. If you husband falls ill and cannot work, heaven forbid dies or you end up divorced, you will be the one that has to start over and struggle harder. (and never say never me ladies)

    1. There is a lot to think about isn't there?

  4. Dear Patsy,
    Oh how I feel for your reader. If she was thriving on it and her family were too it would manpybe be dofferent but as she said she is fried then I would say to her to cost everything out and work out what she could save per week by being at home. She may be in front not behind and surprised!
    There is a lot of pressure in the world. To be able to do what you really want is womderful and have the courage to be proud. Tell her there is a lot of support and she is not alone! With love I personally could not earn outside the home after tax ehat I save by being in my home.

    1. Annabel, I personally can not clear what I can save either.

  5. Dear Patsy, thank you for this post and for the fact that you raise the issue of supporting other women whatever their choice. I have been both a stay at home mum and a fulltime worker trying to juggle it all. I currently work 4 days, leaving me 3 to run my home, practice my frugality and most importantly focus fully on my family and their needs. I finally feel that i have a great work/life balance. I am also lucky to be blessed with a wonderful supportive husband. Yes I understand the negativity levelled at ppl who dont work outside the home, but I have also noticed a lot of thinly veiled negativity on some frugal living blogs aimed squarely at working mothers. Stayng at home isnt for everyone and neither is working outside the home. It would be nice to see women supporting each no matter what our choices or circumstances are. At the end of the day we are all just trying to do our best. Lisa

    1. Yes Lisa, we are all just trying to do our best!

  6. Patsy, I really appreciate your response and support for all mothers and wives. I guess most of the blogs I read are from stay at home mothers and wives. Some of the bloggers are quick to attack working others and wives. I am a working mother. I have been a single mother that had to support my child. During that time I finished my degree and worked to become a CPA. My daughter did not suffer because I worked. She is 31 now and I still do not know how I managed everything. She was very active in supports and music. She graudated from college and now works a local college. As women, we have got to start supporting each other, building each other up, not tarring down. We all want what is best for our families. Thanks again for being supportive of all descions. Deneen

  7. Dear Patsy,
    This is a very good topic. The reader says: "...I want to come home full-time even though I have no young children who need me at home. I feel I would have to explain my decision to everyone...why do some of us feel this way?" We can be made to feel this way because sadly, we're listening to voices of people who do not have our best interests at heart. Also, we are watching examples of lives that we don't necessarily want. It may seem to be the way to go because we haven't really gotten clear on what our unique gifts/talents are and what would be best for us and our family. Society, feminism, schooling, attitudes, articles, books, magazines, etc., have sold us a bill of goods that unfortunately many of us have bought into at one time or another. We've been told by all of these sources, that basically we have to earn a paycheck and THAT is the best contribution that we can make to our homes and families. Some of us have become dependent on the appraisal of others rather than asking ourselves the somewhat scary question of what would truly fulfill us...and then do it. If that thing is in fact earning a paycheck, then do so! I'm all for women working in fulfilling jobs outside of the home if that serves them and their loved ones best.

    But for those where this is not the case and specifically your reader struggling with this issue...ask yourself that question, why do YOU feel this way? Write down your answers. What is the common theme in your answers? To further answer the reader's question: of course others have felt this way, it comes from many voices in our society.

    Dear reader, who is supporting you, cooking your meals, washing your clothes, shopping for your food, growing your food, cleaning your home, paying your bills, etc.? I'm willing to bet that you are doing these things. So if you are as I suspect, why on earth do you care what someone else has to say about your decision to stay home? When you become strong in your own conviction, decisions, and mission, you will come to the place where you do not care what other people think or say about your decision to stay home. Some people would have a genuine curiosity as to your switch from paid work to homemaking, and that I understand. But when you find yourself in the company of someone looking at you narrowly, so bold as to question your "why" in being home-well that person deserves no explanation. Period. Or something as simple as: "this is what works best for me/my family/us/etc."

    I understand about the other commenter, i.e., death, divorce, unforeseen circumstances, etc. All I can say about that is none of us knows the future. I do know you can be educated, stay home, and be relevant all at the same time. Pray like it depends on God (because it does), and work like it all depends on you (because it does). Make the best decision for yourself and your house.

    I have been paid very well outside the home. Conversely, I've been paid very low outside the home as well as a few brackets in-between the good salary and bad. I am currently at home. I know at this present season of my life, I too could not clear after taxes what I save us being home, not to mention the expenses associated with working outside of the home. The most important part: my sanity would be shot as well, and that's no good for me or my loved ones. That alone is a good enough reason for me. Sorry so long, but I really wanted to contribute to this discussion. As you've said Patsy, there is a lot to think about.
    Love, Colette xxx

    1. Colette, another well spoken comment!

  8. Awesome post and even more encouraging comments! For me, working only means paying extra principal payments on our mortgage...I always thought after the house was paid off, then I would come home full-time...but it's all getting to be too much mentally. The job is very in depth and stressful and I have a lot on my plate. I feel like I'm missing out on the things I want to do while I'm able- all because of a goal of paying off a mortgage which would take another 3 years or more. Doesn't seem like a long time...unless you're like me and are burnt-out, tired and unhappy.I get more satisfaction from baking bread or cleaning a toilet than earning a paycheck.

    1. mamabeanof4, this has been a good discussion, hasn't it!

  9. I am loving this discussion and I agree, we, as women, need to be supportive of one another, no matter what your choice and/or circumstances are on whether we work outside the home or pull double duty and work both outside our home and within them. ;) I've personally done the full time work outside the home while raising kids, working part time while raising kids, homeschooling and living on one income for years, working part time when the kids are grown and now am home full time other than a few hours 3 times a month where I will be helping out at a local MOPS group (I loved encouraging young mothers). My health no longer allows me to work as much as I used to and I need to pace myself or risk having a huge crash or flare due to my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. The reader who pondered the question needs to look at her and her husband's quality of life. It sounds like her's is not great if she is really stressed out. If they can sit down and work out a good budget, she may be able to come home and actually save more than she was making after figuring in all the work related expenses. I do empathize with her on the concerns about being judged if she is a stay at home wife. I had those too. I even had family extended family members make uncalled for comments. Bottom line though is that my husband and I made a decision that was best for our family and my health. We are happier and I am healthier. I can do the things here that he and I would usually have to split up doing. It has given us more time and freedom as a couple to go and do things together. We no longer have to spend our evenings and weekends doing all the cleaning, household maintenance, etc. and not being able to go and do something fun. I can keep up on the laundry, run some of the errands, cook from scratch, garden and other things while he sleeps (he works the graveyard shift). Sometimes asks me to wait to run the errands until the afternoon when he is up so he can go with me. He knows I hate having to bag my own groceries and I am not supposed to life heavy thing. ;) Me being at home full time has been the best thing for us and it also allows me to help with our grandchildren. I feel blessed that we were able to make this happen for our family.


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